When We Wait

I tried that once and it didn’t work.”

That statement was made not about the latest weight loss plan or gizmo bought from a late-night infomercial.

No, that statement was made about prayer. The person had evidently asked God for something important to him, and he didn’t get it.

So prayer obviously doesn’t work. To tell you the truth, I wasn’t completely sure whether this guy was being completely serious with me. But he was serious enough that I didn’t quite know what to say.
What I could have said was the same thing the man said when he was interviewed at his 100-year old birthday party. He was asked, “So, what is the secret to your advanced age.” The man replied, “Well, I worked hard. I ate well. I went to bed early.” The interviewer said, “My grandfather did all that and died at 70.” The man answered, “Well, he just didn‘t do it long enough!”

That was the problem with the guy who tried prayer and it didn’t work. He didn’t do it long enough.

Consider the story of Zechariah and Elizabeth The book of Luke describes this couple as not only “righteous;” he also said that they followed “all the Lord’s commands and decrees blamelessly” (Lk 1:6). These were pretty good folks! The problem was that Zechariah and Elizabeth had no children in a culture that valued children so much that being childless was a “disgrace” (1:25). This Godly couple had been praying for a child (1:13), but they had grown “very old” and their prayers for children had not been answered. Yet.  God had not told them “No.” He had said, “Wait.” The problem was that God’s “Wait” felt just like “No.”  The birth of their baby John was such a shock and surprise to them that it is  obvious that they had not been praying this prayer for some time. God answered their prayers, but He did so in a way that fit with His plan and His purpose for them.  Their prayers were answered at the proper time… but after a long period of waiting.

 Let’s face it, it’s hard for us to wait upon the Lord (Isa 40:31). We get weary of waiting, and we see the passing of time as proof that God has forgotten all about us.

His silence FEELS like He has forgotten us.

His “Wait” feels to us like a “No.”

We can see God’s purposes in the story Zechariah and Elizabeth because we read their story from the beginning to the end. But we live out our story from the middle— and we have to wait for God’s ending. We can never tell the difference between God’s “No” and God’s “Wait” until we get to the end of our story.

Why do we often have to wait? Maybe God has a plan and a purpose for us like he did for Zechariah and Elizabeth.  Or maybe we aren’t ready right now to receive His “Yes.

God is not a vending machine where we pop in a prayer out pops our blessing! But when we struggle with something in prayer, we needed to remember that “Wait” does not mean “No” even though they feel the same at the time.

Remember the story of Zechariah and Elizabeth.

God works in His time, not in ours!

What is Your Passion?

When I graduated from college I received a gift. 

I slowly opened the box and pulled out the Waterford pen.  It felt great in my hand and immediatpenely I knew that it was meant to tell stories.  It was meant to share thoughts, beliefs, feelings and perspectives.  It was meant to be used.

If you have never held a Waterford Pen then I guess you will never know.

All it and I needed was a blank piece of paper.

I started to write.  I wrote about everything.  I wrote about growing up in a small town.  I wrote about my family.  I wrote about losing a brother.  I wrote about my college experiences.  I re-told stories that my grandfather shared with me.  I wrote about my future dreams and how I truly felt about the things in my life.  I wrote everyday and I kept my musings in note-books and hid them so that no one would ever find them.  I was embarrassed, afraid that someone would find them and expose my thoughts and feelings.  My life story hand-written on paper.   Nobody ever knew that this was what I did in my spare time.

That was over 30 years ago.  Long before there were computers in every home.  Long before word processors and the internet.  Long before the advent of people even having “blogs”.

Unfortunately… life got in my way.  Responsibilities of a young father and a man trying to save his struggling marriage sapped any desire and passion I had for writing.  I just simply stopped and put the pen down.  I hid my notebooks and today I assume they are where I placed them all those years ago.  That location will be a secret I take to my grave.  I am sure that some of my “best” writings are embedded somewhere in that “buried treasure”.  They will stay where I put them.  I have no desire to unearth them and relive the raw feelings and perspectives of that time in my life.

Simply stated… like almost everything I had in this life, I lost it in my divorce.  That included my Waterford Pen.   For almost 20 years I really did not write much more than my sign my name.  I swallowed any desire or passion I had about writing.  There were times during that period where I wasn’t really sure I was passionate about anything.

But as the years have passed, I have found I still have a few passions in my life.  Today, I am still passionate about my relationship with Jesus Christ.  My wife, Pam is the primary focus of my earthly passions.  I want to live the rest of my life making sure she is happy and taken care of.  My children and grandsons are extremely important to me as well.   I still find myself being passionate about listening to music.  I listen as much as I can.   There is a sense of urgency for me because I fear that with my onset hearing loss there may be a day when the music will be silent to me.  

The bottom line is  that after all this time, I still find that I am passionate about writing.  I am still drawn to write.  I started writing this blog on September 3rd of 2008.  My original intent was to re-write some thoughts and stories that I had written so many years ago.  I wanted to write them down and store them someplace where my children and grandchildren could read them one day.  I never really intended to have anyone else read this except them.  I just started to write and one thing led to another and the next thing I knew I had over 100, 000 visitors to my blog.  I then said that I would continue to write until I had 200,000.  I reached that goal and really did not set another goal.  I only told myself that I would keep writing until I lost the motivation and/or came up with another outlet for me to express what I need to share.   I am now closing in on 500,000 visitors to this site.  

As I have always said, I love to write… I never said I write well.  I know that as I strain to remember some of the stories that I wrote all those years ago, the details got lost in the fog of time.  I don’t remember like I used to.  Some stories blur into one and the end result is something different from what really happened.  I can’t change the fog of time… the senses dull and some of the details will be lost forever.  

That doesn’t mean I have nothing to say.  I write much more than I ever post to this site.  I have over 250 rough draft posts sitting in my file.  Waiting for me to review and just waiting to be posted.   Most will not ever be posted.   Sometimes I guess,  I worry about being too interested in the writing aspect as opposed to the content and if what I write really helps people when they read it.

A true writer, ( I am told) in every sentence that he writes, will ask himself at least four questions:

1. What am I trying to say? 2. What words will express it? 3. What image or idiom will make it clearer? 4. Is this image fresh enough to have an effect?

I think I fail at all four points but I am reminded that George Orwell did not write his two master pieces (Animal Farm, 1984) until close to the end of his short life; leaving the planet at 47 from a severe lung disease.   Orwell did not start to write until he was in his late 20’s.  But once the decision was made, he tackled the task like a man possessed.  Most of what he wrote was never published.  Orwell lived a short life though his body of work is still being sorted through by academics and historians, because writing was his passion, and he wrote every day…and the pages go on and on.

Now I do not compare myself to Orwell.   The only similar aspect that is even remotely similar to Orwell is that I try to write everyday.  I’ve been DRAWN to and COMPELLED to write for most of my life.  For the most part it is crap, but it’s my crap…and I will simply continue to do it.

I mentioned a few posts ago that I have a critic.  Someone who keeps me humble in my writings.  He told me (and I quote) that, “My writing was  a stain on the white shirt of society.  Now for the record, like most people, I am a person who likes to be liked.  BUT… if you don’t like me I am okay with that as well.  It is alright for someone to not “care” for me.  I have a list of people I am not too fond of myself.  I do not wish them any ill, I just would prefer to let them live their life and I will live mine.  That being said… I did want to point out that while my critic may be right about my writings, he  missed the whole point of my blog.   I am not trying to be a writer.

In the end, really, if  nobody ever reads my work that’s alright.  It is the act of writing itself that gives me the most pleasure.

Writing is my passion.  Writing makes my heart soft and pliable towards the things of God.  I believe to have a passion in one’s life is important; somehow passion gives us Meaning to our lives in this huge universe.

So… if my writings are truly a “stain on the white shirt of society” than so be it.  

It’s my passion and that is just fine with me.

The question is… what is your passion?

You Got Me?

The first time I knew that he said it was on June 1st.  My son-in-law, Clay and my grandson, Indy were at Cedar Point when they were getting ready to go on a roller coaster.  Clay tweeted the following…

Melt your heart moment of the day: on a little kid coaster Indy grabbed my arm tight and said,

“You got me Daddy?”

Since then my wife Pam and I have heard him say this a number of times.  He has even directly asked me that.  I was upstairs in the bedrooindy44m, Brody and Indy were playing and wrestling around on the bed.  I was there keeping a close eye on them to make sure they did not get too rough.  Indy was being very careful to not fall down and he was unsure of his footing.  He looked up at me and asked, “You got me, Grandpa?”  I said, “Sure Buddy… I got you.”   He looked at me with a smile and with confidence in his eyes continued to play, knowing that his grandpa was watching over him.  I smiled back at him and made sure that he was safe and that he was not going to hurt himself.  I never really gave it another thought.  It was just another cute comment that I have heard come from Indy since he could talk.

Then a few days ago, “Grammy” (Vickie Kirchenbauer), posted  the following on Facebook:

Lessons from Little ones..…When Indy is nervous, afraid or unsure he will say to one of us, “You got me?”. Of course we always answer, “Yes Buddy we got you!” He doesn’t question how, analyze the process we choose to use or worry whether we heard him…… he just simply trusts us to take care of him and confidently moves on.

We can do the same!! Whether we are sad, afraid, unsure, discouraged or whatever is heavy on our hearts, we can say to our Father…..”You got me?” His answer is ALWAYS, YES!!

The truth of Vickie’s post hit me like a ton of bricks.  

I missed the truth that was found in the words of my grandson.

Many times in our life, when things become difficult, we consume our life with worry.  We allow the strife of this life to overtake us and all too soon we begin to doubt that there is anyone who really cares.  Discouragement, hurt, resentment and regret cause us to lose sight of the fact that God, our Father, has all of this under control.  He always keeps us in the protective shield of His love for us.  So we can honestly ask God, “You got me?” and the answer is always YES!!!!

Thank you Vickie for the reminder…


Questions For God

I have heard people often say, “When I get to heaven I’m going to ask God…..”  and what follows is their pressing question, their unanswered prayer, or their pain from when it seemed God wasn’t there.  

questions-for-godOften it has been, for them, a stumbling block in their walk with God.  Why didn’t God answer my prayer? Why did He let my child die? Where was He when……?

All of those unanswered questions can shake our faith or at least make us wonder about the plan and goodness of God.  And yet,  in the midst of the unanswered question, we know there is an answer, and it nags at us that God has left us with a question mark, an empty place, a doubt.

Why didn’t He?  How could God allow that to happen to me? 

My experience is that most often we blame God for something we actually caused!  

We go where we know we shouldn’t.  We make bad choices.  We basically ignore God until we are in trouble…then we blame Him for not protecting us from our own choices. 

So why didn’t God make people so they wouldn’t sin? If that were the case, we would be like robots with no will of our own.  God did not make us that way. He gave us the ability to choose. So when we look at the tragedies in our world, in our own lives, and in the lives of those around us and ask why God allowed it, we find the answer by looking at a very similar question that was asked of Jesus.  

Apparently a tower had fallen on a group of Gentiles, and some were suggesting that it happened because it was God’s judgment. But Jesus said, “Were they the worst sinners in Jerusalem? No, and I tell you again that unless you repent, you will perish, too” (Luke 13:4–5).

Effectively, Jesus was saying, “Look, guys. People die. Bad things happen. We don’t always have to say that it was God’s judgment. This happened, and it doesn’t always make sense. But listen. You had better get ready, because you could die, too.”

Death will knock at every single door. No one is exempt. It could happen to any of us. It could happen tonight or tomorrow. The statistics on death are quite impressive. One out of every one person will die. You can’t escape death. We all have an appointment with it. Job said, “O God, remember that my life is but a breath” (Job 7:7). And the Bible says, “It is appointed for men to die once, but after this the judgment” (Hebrews 9:27 NKJV).

We don’t want to talk about death. We don’t want to discuss it. But we can’t avoid the inevitable.

So here is my question for you: What will happen to you after you die? According to the Bible, therquestion marke are two options. There is heaven, and there is hell. There are no other choices. Maybe instead of asking the why question, then, we should be asking the what question: “What do I do now?”

The answer is to turn to Jesus Christ. No one ever suffered like Jesus did. Though He was God, He also was fully man. And when those spikes went into His hands, He felt pain just like you and I would feel. Real blood coursed through His veins and spilled to the ground as He hung on the cross and died for the sins of the world. It was real rejection that He felt as His own, handpicked disciples turned away from Him for the most part. It was real loneliness that He experienced as He hung on the cross.

The apostle Paul wrote, “For to me, living means living for Christ, and dying is even better. But if I live, I can do more fruitful work for Christ. So I really don’t know which is better. I’m torn between two desires: I long to go and be with Christ, which would be far better for me” (Philippians 1:21–23 NLT).

I don’t think Paul was saying that he was looking forward to dying. Rather, he was saying that he knew what was on the other side. He knew what he had to look forward to. I think he also understood that in heaven, all of his questions would be answered. And if you are a believer in Jesus Christ, then all of your questions – all of your whys – will one day be answered, too.

So here is the proposition for the day-  if you could ask God just one question what would it be?

A Work In Progress

The Bible gives me great hope because it’s clear that God is not done with me yet.  

The LORD will accomplish what concerns me;
Your lovingkindness, O LORD, is everlasting;
Do not forsake the works of Your hands.     Psalm 138:8

logo_work_in_progress2I may not be the man that I wanted to be….but I’m not the potter….I’m the clay. He has in mind what He wants this piece of clay to look like. I have no idea what this work of art is to look like….I’m still being molded, but one day He will finish with a smile and declare that His work of art is finished.

I find it humorus to think that I’m that work of art!  But it’s true.  I’m still on the potter’s wheel, still being molded, still finding lumps that the potter must work out so the fire will not crack me. I’m still being formed into the masterpiece the Master plans to make.

What thrills me about the verse in Psalms is that God will not give up on this little piece of clay until His masterpiece is done!  I might not look like much yet, but just wait….just wait till the potter is done.

Paul writes about this in Ephesians 2 when he says,

” For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.”

How exciting….not only am I a masterpiece, but I’m a masterpiece with a purpose! I still have things to do that only the little piece of clay, this masterpiece of the potter, can do.

“The Lord will accomplish what concerns me.”   In other words He won’t quit working in my life until He has finished His masterpiece and signed His work.  I love that artists sign their work. They want the world to know who made it. They are proud of what they accomplished. And like the artists of the world, God says one day He will write His name on me….a finished masterpiece designed by the creator of the universe with works for me to do.

I’m so encouraged that the great potter plans to make a masterpiece and won’t stop until I’m complete.  I can’t wait to be that finished product….that masterpiece that glorifies Him….and I pray that He will be glorified in my life….even while I’m still a work in progress.

That is true for all of us.  We are a work in progress and the potter will not stop until His work of art is complete.  God’s working in your life.  Celebrate that today because one day we will see what God has done!!!

Fighting Fear

I’ve lived for over 53 years…I thought I had seen it all.

I remember clearly the images of the Vietnam war on the news each night.   I remember practicing “emergency fighting feardrills” in my early elementary years, where we would hide under our desks and put our head between our knees in case there was a tornado or some kind of threat.  I remember that sick uneasy feeling in my stomach when I heard preacher’s say that the Communist’s were going to overtake America and that they would kill all Christians.  I remember growing up in the “Cold War” when  the threat of nuclear war seemed inevitable.

Most of all… I remember 9/11 and the fear it instilled in me.  Not fear for myself but of the fear for my children and grandchildren.

I thought I saw it all but to be honest, I’ve never seen a time when fear is so dominant in our lives than it is today.  This week I’ve watched as radical Muslims have killed hundreds in Iraq.  I’ve watched as fear begins to rise in the cultures of the world….fear of man, fear of economic crisis, fear of disease.   It seems as if most of our life we are fighting fear.

Fear is in the very air we breathe.

No one is immune to the temptation to fear.  We are surrounded by the opportunities to fear.  Companies downsizing, layoffs all around, economies is crisis, Ebola spreading…..shall I go on?  Fears are abundant!

As much as I want to say we are in unprecedented times… I really can’t.  This is nothing new.

King David lived in days when his very life was often on the line.  He found himself, more than once, running for his life.  Fear was part of his reality too, but he made choices to deal with the fears.

This Psalm is one of them.

O God, have mercy on me, for people are hounding me.  My foes attack me all day long.  I am constantly hounded by those who slander me, and many are boldly attacking me.  But when I am afraid, I will put my trust in you. I praise God for what he has promised.  I trust in God, so why should I be afraid? What can mere mortals do to me?            Psalm 56

In verse 3 he writPsalm-56-3-Bible-Versees, “but when I am afraid, I will put my trust in you.”  David never said he didn’t fear or that fear wasn’t real for him.  He gave us his choice when fears arrive.  When I am afraid I will put my trust in you.  What a profound and rich statement of faith.  When all I see around me is an opportunity to fear I will choose to trust the God who loves me. 

So what is your choice when fear comes, because it will.

What do you do?

Do you fret, get anxious, drink too much, pace the floor, take a sedative, panic!  What do you do?  It’s a choice you know.

Fear will come, what will you do when it arrives?

David said, “When I am afraid I will put my trust in YOU!”

What will you choose?

Heal The Wound But Leave The Scar

Earlier this month I posted the following statement on my Facebook wall.

Listening to throw- back Thursday on Proclaim FM… They are playing Michael W Smith’s “Friends are Friends” song. Suddenly… I am over whelmed with memories of a time in my life that I buried a long time ago… a time when I was known as Mr. Lee. He’s been dead for 20 years now.

I had posted that as a simple statement of the fact that the song brought back some memories of a time in my life when I was the Administrator of a Christian School. I had a few comments to my post about how that time in my life wasn’t all bad and I basically shouldn’t think of it as a negative time in my life.

Let me make something very clear…I don’t. 

TCAI don’t view it as a negative time in my life at all, but there are some memories from that period of my life that I would like to forget forever.  To be honest, there are things that I have honestly blocked out of my mind.  I will have former students come up to me and remind me of something I did or something happened in the school and I just don’t remember many of those events.  No offense to any former student or staff member during my tenure there.  It is just some of those memories I’d really just rather forget.   That includes both the good and bad memories.

I hold that time in my life as very precious and it took years for me to be able to move on.  It took me years to come to grips with the loss of my ministry.  When a song like the one mentioned above comes on and the memories flood my mind it brings back the hurt that I caused and it reminds me once again of my failure in my ministry.

God has been very gracious to me and has allowed me to move on.  The hurt is not what it once was and there are periods of times in my life that I don’t remember the hurt at all.  God has taken away much of the pain but the one thing He has not done is remove the spiritual scars that I earned during that time in my life. 

Truth is… I have many scars.

Not as often as in the past and honestly the only time I see the scars that I carry is when those memories are stirred by a conversation.  Or as in this example, a song.  The memories can be so vivid and that they  take me right back there again. I usually wrestle with the Lord a little, wondering what is the purpose of this remembering.

Why do we need to feel it all and hurt so much again? Now, it never goes away, there is always pain, but it may not be as intense as it can be sometimes. Something reminds us and the pain comes again. What is the Lord’s purpose in those painful memories and why are they still necessary?

Over the past few years I believe that I am coming to terms with accepting these memories.  I am starting to understand that these memories come up so we can remember not to lose our compassion for others, especially when there are many people are struggling in their life. Maybe we need to spend more time praying for others who we know are hurting.  Maybe we need to reach out and give a hand to one of these people.  It obvious that sometimes it takes a lot for the Lord to get our attention off our selves and put our focus on others.

I want to keep my scars.  Not from a sense of pride but for a reminder of what happens when you take your eyes off of Jesus Christ.  I have always been amazed that Jesus kept his physical scars.

Did you ever wonder why He kept the scars?  If He was the son of God, why not completely heal those hands and feet.  Why bear the scars?  Why did Jesus keep the scars, show the scars and why does He through eternity keep those scars?

Was it simply to show them that he was the same person that had been crucified?  Was it simply to historically verify that the same person who had been brutally treated, died, was buried, came to life again? Or was there a My Scarsdeeper meaning in his scars that he so willingly showed his disciples?

The most obvious reason He showed His disciples the scars, and continues to wear the scars even in eternity is because scars tell a story. Probably if each of us to survey our own body, we would be able to tell the story of virtually every scar that shows.  The reason for that – scars tell a story.

We all have wounds in our hearts, either from sin in our lives or painful things that happen along the journey. Whatever the wound is from is not important, what is important is that we have that scar to remind us of what God taught us through the pain.

My prayer is that each wound the Lord heals in my life I only hope He leaves the scar so I won’t forget.  Our scars should lead us to honor God for His mercy and remind us of His love and mercy for us.  They should lead us to have compassion for others.  

I thank the Lord for leaving the scars in my life.  I hope that they continue to tell a story of God’s forgiveness and healing in my life. 

May this be your prayer as well. May we always ask God to heal the wound but leave the scar.

Life Is A One Time Offer, Use It Well

Depression took another life yesterday.  Robin Williams is no longer with us.

Who can pretend to understand the brilliance like  Robin Williams had?  Meteoric, volcanic, fast, furious and funny.

Perhaps there is a price for such brilliance.

As I read about his life today, it is apparent that Robin Williams had lived for a long time with a darkness at the periphery of his vision.

I could not help but reflect on the fact that life is sshort-life-quotes-1hort.  

The Bible says repeatedly that it’s like a vapor, a mist that is quickly gone.  We are here for just a few years and then…..we are gone. 

Doesn’t seem fair but that is the way it has been since the beginning of time.

Robin Williams obviously was dealing with more than I can understand but what I do know is that all of the success and fame did not bring him the happiness and contentment he was looking for.  He was searching for something more than what he accomplished.

What do you think he was looking for?

I have lived long enough and have experienced enough loss that I am keenly aware that this life is a one time offer, use it well.  I am also at the point in my life that I am looking towards the next phase in my life and I realize that many of the options I had in life I once considered possible are not.

So… life is short…  what do you want?  What do you want to do?  What do you want to be remembered for?  What do you want to accomplish?  

I think, if we were honest, most of us would reply, “I DON’T KNOW!”

Our simple answers of wanting happiness, success, significance and other words freely spoken in our culture just don’t get to the real heart of the question.  Many philosophers have asked this and tried to answer it from their perspective.  It begins with “Why am I here?”, “What’s my purpose?” and ends with ultimate destiny, but let’s not goFigure-Out-What-You-Want-to-Do-With-Your-Life-in-8-Easy-Steps there today.  I would rather get to the heart of the question.

These are questions I’m pondering as I enter this next phase of my life.   What do I want?

It’s a hard question!  I could easily respond, I want to be happy.  I want to be remembered.  I want to do something significant with my life, but honestly…maybe too honestly…none of those are in my control.  

They are the things I hope will happen, but I can’t pursue them.  It just doesn’t work that way.

How about you ? What do you want?  

At the core of who we are comes down to the fact that we all want meaning. We all want to know our lives are not a waste. We want to matter.

Built into us as humans is a desire for something more than food and comfort.  We want to matter!  That’s not an animal instinct.  That comes from our Creator.  He made us to ask this question. God made us with a desire for more and it’s not success, a title, a name that’s remembered, a lot of money, a nice house or car.

It’s none of these things.

I personally believe that true contentment in this life can only be found in having a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.  

As we ponder the death of a celebrity that was as gifted as Robin Williams,  we have to accept the fact that all of his success was still not enough for him to feel content in this life.  I have my personal opinions on where he will spend eternity, but I am not going to judge Robin Williams… like all of us, he will have to give an account of his own life when he stands before his Creator.  For all of his talent and for all of his success he will still need the very same grace that we all need to be reconciled back to God.

My prayer is that for anyone reading this will accept the gift of salvation that is found in Jesus Christ.  Find your contentment in this short life through that relationship with Him. 

Because this life is a one time offer, use it well. 

Live What You Believe

The month of July seemed to just fly by.  My wife and I have been so busy this summer that I am afraid we are going to be knee deep in snow before we know it.  I really have not had time to write like I used to julybut I guess that is alright because we have accomplished so much this summer.  My wife and I have purged the house of  “stuff” we have accumulated over the years.  We had an epic garage sale that was one for the history books.  We had a tremendous turnout to the sale and it was a great success.

Somewhere along the line I had another birthday come and go.  I am at the point in my life that I really don’t pay any attention to the birthdays as they come and go.  About the only thing I look forward to is some of the “Happy Birthday” notes sent to me from friends and family.  One of those wishes came from a friend from my college years that I had lost contact with over the years and I was surprised to hear from him. 

He asked if I had any wisdom to impart that I’ve gained in my many years.

My first response and thought was nope.

I pondered what I could possibly share. What wisdom have I gained? What words can I share that I haven’t already shared?

I’ve got nothing.

I’ve spent weeks since my birthday, going round and round about what I could write that would express the wisdom I have gained in my 50 plus years. What I have learned in these years that I can pass on to my grandchildren and anyone else that might read this?

Then today it hit me….while I was thinking back to a friend that had a birthday close to mine.  Sadly he is no longer here.  We lost him all too soon.  I thought back to the words I spoke at his funeral.

A simple sentence that I still believe sums it all up…

You can say what you think but you’ll live what you believe.

LiveBelieveThat’s it. It’s funny that I share that in a blog post. I’ve said multiple times that it is really easy to sit behind the keyboard and act like you’ve got the world on a string. For over 5 years I have posted thoughts and hopefully, shared the struggles too.  Social media has exploded over the years.  Now more than ever before I believe that statement has to be our filter. It’s easy to only post the great moments, the times when everything is going great.  But it is hard to write and share when things are going horribly wrong.  Hopefully you’ve seen my not so great moments through the words I write.  Hopefully, everyone will see my intent is to live what I believe and that the words I wrote were not just words on a page.

Either way, I hope that whenever my number is called and the Lord calls me home, those that knew me personally or from afar will all be able to say the same thing.  I hope they will say that I said what I thought and it matched the way that I lived and what I believed.

I hope you’ll see that I didn’t just speak highly of my wife, I honestly treasure and honor her above all others.

I hope you’ll see that I wasn’t bragging on my kids and my grandchildren, I made it my goal to treasure each moment and never leave a doubt in their mind as to how I felt about them.

I hope you’ll see that I didn’t throw around the word “friend” like it’s something you accept on a social media site. I believed that relationships are important and that people – no matter who they are – matter.

I hope you’ll see that I didn’t just talk about faith to be high and mighty. I live a life filled with questions, doubts, struggles, fears and wrestled through the journey to be not high and mighty, but second and humble.

So that’s the best I’ve got.

The calendar turned on me and I am another year older.

It’s another chance to say what I think and most importantly….

Live what I believe.

Footsteps of Grace

I remember when I learned my first real lesson about grace.  I guess I should say that it was the first time I really understood the concept of grace.

I heard my mom’s footsteps outside of my bedroom door.  I knew it was time to pay the piper.  I took something that wasn’t mine.

I had been holed up in my bedroom for hours because I knew that I had to face my mom and give account for my actions.  She was going to kill me (or so I thought).

graceQuivering lower bottom lip.  Embarrassment on my face.  Tears forming in my eight year old eyes.  I opened my bedroom door.

It was judgment time….

While my human nature was screaming “I DIDN’T DO IT”, there was a still small voice.  It softly whispered “you know you are guilty… accept the penalty. ”

My mom motioned me to come and sit on her lap. She then wrapped her arms around me and simply, softly whispered that she knew what I did.  She explained that she knows what she is saying when she asks me to not do certain things.  She told me of the punishment I deserved.   She then told me that she loved me.  She told me that it was okay and that I had to make things right with the person that I wronged.

She wasn’t going to kill me.

A lesson taught and a lesson learned.


Suddenly I was back in bed, my heart and spirit were still intact. 

Even now, some 45 years later,  there aren’t many days that go by that I don’t remember that event in my life.  It has convinced me that a parent’s love is a lot like that of God.

How many times have I done what I knew I should not have done?  How many times has it gone as predicted? How often have I experienced God’s grace in those circumstances? God has every reason to hold my every foolish decision and move over me. My list of wrongs is much longer than the list of things I get right. 

Every day I experience and appreciate  grace beyond my understanding.


There’s only grace
There’s only love
There’s only mercy
And believe me,
it’s enough…

-Matthew West


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