Today was the day I was to start to writing again.
I have taken some time off to reflect and try to figure out what the next stage of this blog will be. After taking a few weeks off, I must admit I am no closer to knowing where I am headed with it. To be honest I have not had any inspiration to write since the death of a friend that I had known for over 40 years. My blog was linked to his and his to mine. We spent time over the last year or so commenting on different aspects of each others blog. I will not only miss him…I will miss his insight. While I still cannot process his death and I really need to move on and figure out what the future holds for my writing.
Over the course of the last three years, there have been times when writing has been a real joy. As of this writing, I have had 297,998 visitors to my blog. It is amazing to me that the number of visitors could possibly be that high. I have two sources that count my visitors and they both are within a few hits of each other. I have had people who have complimented me and some have told me how much they appreciated my writings. I have also had some criticisms along the way. I try to focus on the positive without letting it distract me. I am very thankful for those who play along and let me express my thoughts.
I started writing this blog in September of 2008. My original intent was to write some thoughts and stories down and store them someplace where my children and grandchildren could read them one day. I never really intended to have anyone else except them ever read them. I just started to write and one thing led to another and the next thing I knew I had over 100, 000 visitors to my blog. I then said that I would continue to write until I had 200,000. I reached that goal and really did not set another goal. I only told myself that I would keep writing until I lost the motivation and/or came up with another outlet for me to express what I need to share. I feel in some way that I am coming up to a cross-road and I really need some insight into which path to go.
I am asking for some input from those of you who read this post. I will not post your comments and I will respond directly to each and every comment. As a reminder, I do not write to get comments…I write to challenge, encourage and hopefully point someone to live for Christ and selfishly, I write to leave a record of my thoughts and perspectives for my children and grandchildren to read one day.
As I always say, I love to write… I never said I write well. I have over 85 rough draft posts sitting in my file. Waiting for me to review and try to fix or make it better in order to be published on my blog. Most will not ever be good enough. Sometimes I worry about being too interested in the writing aspect as opposed to the content and if what I write really helps people when they read it. God recently reminded me of the sermon I had heard about Mary and Martha. Martha was frantically scrambling to get everything just right for the Savior and Mary was sitting silently at the feet of Jesus. Martha had good intentions, but Mary did the better thing.
I worry about getting so caught up in writing that at times I wonder if I set enough time aside for God. I desire to be more for Christ than I have been. I desire to be a better husband, father and grandfather to my family. I desire to be a better friend than I have been. If I am going to accomplish any of these things before I die I need to take the time sit at His feet and be silent.
Lately, when I try to be silent and still, my brain doesn’t want to cooperate. I will conjure up whole conversations in my head, hear snippets of songs, and think of things I forgot to do or that I still need to do. I just feel distracted because I have no idea where I am headed and what I can do for the Lord for the rest of my life.
There was a time in my life when I was in the ministry. I loved teaching from God’s Word and I loved what I did. But I have been on the shelf for a long time. I have wandered in the desert like Moses for years and I am starting to think that I will never find my niche again. I long to be used of God once again.
So as I sit and reflect on the future of my blog and my writings, I am asking the Lord for direction. I am closing in on 300,000 visitors and when I reach that milestone I am seriously thinking of stopping my writing and take some time to sit at the feet of the Lord and see what He would like for me to do with the rest of my life. Your prayers would be appreciated.