You may have noticed I have been writing less as of late. Perhaps the best way to explain this is by reference to that well-known advice your mother may have given you: “if you don’t have anything good or positive to say, don’t say anything.” For a while now I’ve been at that place where I have nothing profound or even boring to say or write so I’ve been absent. The tank has been empty!
Well…if I have nothing to say, why am I blogging about it? I will tell you…
The last few days I’ve been dwelling on something that I have asked the Lord to give me clear direction on what He would have me to do. Seems like since I made that request nothing has gone right. It’s always been clear to me that nothing of God will ever happen apart from Him doing it. I can want it, beg for it, try to create it, but if God isn’t behind it…it doesn’t work. I know God wants to do something in me, but at the moment I can’t see what it is. I’ve been at this place before. I don’t like the wait, but I know God will give me insight. Until then… I wait.
My experience in waiting for God is most often about Him waiting for me. He’s waiting for me to get out of His way. I believe He gets tired of the way I’ve been doing things. He’s waiting for me to give up my pride and my thoughts of doubt. What seems like me waiting for Him is most often Him waiting for me. I have to admit it is an embarrassing statement to make, but it is true that God is more willing to work in my life, to speak to my spirit, to lead me, to do anything than I am willing to let Him. It takes some work to break up the hard soil of my heart before anything could grow anyway. I know there are things that the Lord wants to do in my life. I just get near-sighted and cannot see it sometimes.
This battle of flesh and Spirit is such a subtle thing. The battle wages on even when I think I’m doing well. I struggle with my heart desiring to do things MY way. Even in my desire to please God I often discover that I want to please Him MY way and in that apparent desire for good the flesh is in control. Pleasing God must be HIS way, done by surrender to His work and His leading in my life. For all my efforts to be a “good Christian” I will fail completely in the quest unless I once more raise the white flag of surrender to Him and His will, plan and timing in my life.
Frankly most spiritual warfare for me happens in my heart and soul. It’s a battle for Lordship. Only when Jesus wins, when He is allowed to be King, do I truly please God.
That is the war of this world, isn’t it? It’s a war for who is King. Will it be me or Christ?
So, on this cold evening in December I’m praying, trying to give up my fight to “get God to do something” and letting Him do as He wishes…..whatever that may look like.
So if I don’t post for a while it will be because I am still waiting for clear direction and what my future holds in my service to Him.
I have nothing more to say.
Your prayers would be greatly appreciated.