I have needed some inspiration. I have been through some dry spells when it comes to my writing before but this last spell has been a rough one. I usually could come up with something to write about even if it was basically a repeat of something I had written about before. Not this time… I could not bring myself to even type a word.
No words… no ideas… nothing to say.
I have to ask myself, “Is it time to close the book and pack this blog away with the other million or so blogs that are not being read by anyone?”
I wanted to make it last… I wanted to reach 500,000 visitors. I am roughly 14,000 visitors short as of this writing. That sounds so self-centered… so… self-serving. But if you honestly know me, you know that I do not write to get recognition. I have turned down opportunities to try to promote my blog on different media sites. That was not why I started writing in the first place.
I started writing again to fill a place in my life that was empty. A place that was emptied by the choices I made in life and I needed to fill that place with inspiration and thought. With life running so fast, there’s little time and energy left to try a muster up some inspiration to write. To be honest with the truth, I long to have another opportunity to teach from the Bible again. It has been over twenty years since I have had the honor of sharing from God’s Word in a classroom setting. There was always a small part me that believed that I would get the chance to once again be a part of a ministry besides sitting in the pew.
It is evident to me as I think on these things that God has another plan. As much as I try to believe, I do not believe that it will ever happen. Through the small things and the biggest things, life has certainly taught me this lesson over and over. Things are harder for those who don’t believe. And they’re much easier for those who do. Lord knows that I’ve created a thousand life obstacles by crowding out my faith, or by blatantly ignoring what it was whispering to my heart. It has made life harder because I had to tear down a thousand walls brick by brick by finally believing they had to fall. This is one wall that I have not been able to tear down.
That being said, I must say that I have witnessed others who have endured a divorce and/or failure in marriage go on and teach and “do things” in the church as if it never happened. That opportunity has never been offered to me.
I am not bitter about the price I have paid for my failure or the opportunities that others have been given. It just saps my ability to be inspired at times.
So it’s becoming more important to me that I not waste too much time dwelling on what will not happen and focus on what can be done because my time is running short. Now before that gets misconstrued, I am not dying, at least I don’t have any plans on dying anytime soon. But blogs and websites like mine are dying daily. I cannot help but think that this website… this blog… my stories… my words that I write will be the only voice that I will ever have. In no time at all it will be silenced.
So what can keep me inspired until that day comes? I thought it would be nice to share one thing that has always brought inspiration to me. As many of you know, I love music. All types and all styles. It brings me inspiration and I never write unless I have music blaring through my headphones.
One of my favorites is one that I am sure not many people have ever heard of. I am blown away by the composer, Ólafur Arnalds. I discovered him on Spotify. His album called, “Living Room Songs” is a masterpiece. Each note has purpose. The melodies are unique. Emotion is ever-present. It takes me on a journey every time I listen. Sometimes it breaks my heart. Sometimes it heals it. I always feel something. I’m always inspired.
The story behind the album is that he committed to writing one new song each day for a week. At the end of each day, he gathered a small string section, and there in his living room, they recorded what he’d written that day on a live microphone. No editing and no overdubs.
It’s beautiful in its imperfection. Each time the piano bench cracks, the pedal squeaks or a violin string falters in pitch for a moment, I smile to myself. I love that they moved ahead, not feeling the need to repair or hide the ‘mistake’. And somehow, the song actually becomes more beautiful for it. At the end of the week, it was done, finished – created and shared with the world… all it’s flaws exposed.
That gives me hope.
I’m inspired by what he was able to accomplish in a day – in a week. And I can’t help but consider what I could do if I lived with that kind of intention and fearlessness. If I’m honest, it’s scary for me to commit to something before I’ve got it figured out and know what the outcome will be. Listening to this music makes me want to fly without a net. And it makes me think I can. It makes me braver. Not because it’s perfect and grand – but because it’s imperfect. The flaws are evident… but they still are powerfully touching.
Just like you and me.
We spend so much of our lives trying to cover up our flaws and shortcomings, but what if we could just embrace them and move on? What if we didn’t let them stop us? What if they simply became part of the story we’re sharing?
What if I didn’t have to have it all figured out before I was willing to begin? What if I were willing to fly without a net? What if I lived my life with more intent and focus? What if I made peace with my imperfections and shortcomings? What if I even embraced them and made them a part of my story? What could I share with the world? What might it inspire in others?
Regardless of the type of music you like, I think almost everyone reading this will fall in love with “Living Room Songs” by Ólafur Arnalds. It’s perfect background music, especially on rainy days and Saturday mornings. It has become one of my favorites – because it’s more than a piece of music.
And that… inspires me.
NOTE: I have attached a video of the process and recording of “Living Room Songs”. Enjoy!!!