Are You Sure?

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I almost shut down my blog last week.

I logged in, pushed the new post button out of rote memory, then I paused.

That screen… so familiar to me that it rarely looks blank to me.

I always see the completion of some words.

The cursor wasn’t tapping its foot impatiently, it was softly breathing, consistent in its repose.

The screen was just blank.

There was no life there.

I went to settings. I then pressed down on the delete button.

I asked myself…

Are you sure?

Remember when writing was so much fun?

Are you sure?

Remember why you started writing in the first place? Wasn’t it to ease the pain of failure that you created? Wasn’t the reason you wrote was to leave something behind for your family to read after you were gone?

Are you sure?

Could the reason be because they tried to silence you?

Cyber bully you?

With the weight of my heart holding down the cursor on the delete button,

I wandered through memories and possibilities of better days, maybe even better weeks ahead.

After 12 minutes of staring at the blank screen, without releasing the button, I slid the cursor away.

I almost shut down my blog last week.

On a whim.

I’ve thought about why ever since.

Thinking if it’d be different if I wasn’t so afraid of those three-words.

Are you sure?

Is anyone sure of anything?

Are you sure?

When I lay down at night, in my head, I hear the voices of stories past.

It never stops.

I hear the voices of loved ones.

I relive the events of my life.

My childhood, my faith, my success and my failure.

The good. The bad.

Who will tell their story?

I almost shut down my blog last week.

Lying in bed, thinking of the delete button I pressed.

Seeing memories that live inside my head, preserved in pieces of true moments.

Knowing that I cannot hide the truth of those memories.

Lies cannot be told in the memories and voices heard just before sleep.

Are you sure?

Are you sure?

I almost answered that question.

I almost shut my blog down last week.

On a whim.

Whims never carry me very far.

If I want to go anywhere specific,

I must write stories.

Sturdy, true stories, lined with perspective.  

If I want to go somewhere important,

I must share these stories with the people who live in my head.

I almost shut down my blog last week.

On a whim.

The button did not carry out it’s deed.

My cursor keeps breathing, softly, steadily, in repose.

The voices and memories will always return to fill my mind as I lay down to sleep.

Even so, words do not fill the page,

And I am sure of nothing.

3 thoughts on “Are You Sure?

  1. I am glad, for one, that you didn’t answer yes. Keep writing, you have something important to say.

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