I remember those feelings.
What if no one reads my blog? What if someone leaves me a really mean comment? What if I’m criticized? What if my ideas are only interesting to me? What if this blog is a mistake?
Those were just a few of the questions that shook every bone in my body as I sat in my office with the lights off, in the wee hours of the morning, and started this blog.
I think back to that moment quite a bit.
At no point in my life did the thought of starting a blog ever cross my mind, until a few days before I actually did. As weird as it sounds, it felt like something I had to do.
And I’ll be honest, most of my life has been like that – where all of a sudden I feel compelled to do something I’ve never even thought about before.
Early on in this blog’s life, I was always so worried about every sentence, and every word, and every comma, and every semi-colon, and every little detail. It ate away at me as I put words on the screen. I would write three sentences and delete two and a half of them.
I felt like it had to be perfect, or someone would criticize me.
I tried to convince myself to just ignore this huge weight inside of me, but I couldn’t do it. So I talked myself into writing about real things that happened to me. I had to share from my heart and from my perspective.
And that’s when I stopped caring about every single word, sentence, comma, semi-colon, and detail. That’s when I learned how to write from my heart.
If you want the secret, here it is.
I thought about everything that was holding me back from being completely honest in my writing, was all stuck in my shoulders. So I shook my arms until I could feel the words exit through my fingertips.
That sounds extra cheesy and really lame, but it’s what I did. And if I’m honest, I still do it whenever I feel like I’m over-thinking the words I’m writing.
I figuratively strip myself of everything that is preventing me from saying exactly what I feel. Because once those restraints are gone, all that remains is my heart.
I was fully expecting 80% of the comments to tell me to “Get over it” and “Stop whining about the past.”
I didn’t get that.
It’s weird. I went from being afraid that no one would read my blog, to being afraid that I reached over 1000 views in a day. I was overwhelmed. This is not an exaggeration, trust me.
From that point on, I felt free. I felt like I could take my inner voice and put it directly on a computer screen without thinking twice.
I knew that if my intentions were good, then it wouldn’t matter what anyone thought about what I wrote.
I often say that blogging is like talking to yourself, and then realizing someone heard you.
There are so many rules about how to blog, and what to write about, and how to present your thoughts. I try not to follow any of them – it’s just not me.
I never know what I’m going to say when I sit down and write a blog post. I also don’t know when the words are going to come out. I just sit down with a topic and maybe one line that I wrote down on my phone, and go from there.
I can’t schedule a post three days in advance. I can’t plan ahead.
I write until I’m satisfied.
I’m not here just to write random words. Everything has to mean something.
I’m not aiming for apathy on your end, or mine. If you’re going to read my blog, I’m going to try to make sure you walk away with something from it.
This blog has given me so much and has taught me even more. It’s made me realize how powerful our words really are. We have the ability to say anything we want, all we have to do is put words in the right order.
When you do that, beautiful things happen.
And I mean that from the bottom of my heart.