Only Time Will Tell

Only time will tell…

I hesitate to write this.

In truth, I am hesitant to write much of anything lately.  I have been drained of motivation and my desire to write is probably at an all-time low. 

For the past few months, I had dedicated myself to finishing a project that I have always wanted to do.  I have posted a few short excerpts from that project on this site.  They are just shorter versions of the stories I have written about growing up in Oak Harbor, Ohio. I have had some wonderful comments and encouragement from those that have taken the time to read what I have posted. I struggle accepting them because are they just being nice or do they really mean them? Who knows? 

Only time will tell…

I have most of it completed but I can’t seem to find the motivation to sit behind the keyboard and finish the remaining chapters. I am not sure it is just discouragement or if it is fear.  Discouragement because I am not sure it is worth reading.  I am not a trained writer. I have always said I love to write but I have never thought I was good at it. There is a bigger part of my thinking that tells me to have some fear of it.  Fear because someone may actually read it. 

I think I understand how musicians feel when people listen to their music for the first time. I am sure they feel exposed and vulnerable for putting their “work” for everyone to critique and judge.  That is how I feel.  I put my thoughts down and put them out for all to see and I am fearful of the critique.  Fearful of the judgement. It is why for years I never shared my love for writing.  It is why I buried dozens of handwritten notebooks of my writings. 

Never ever to be found again.  They were the best writings I have ever put to paper.

Can I handle the discouragement?  Can I handle the fear? Will I ever get the motivation to finish this project? Will anyone ever read it?

Only time will tell…

I need to find a way to get myself back on track to write for me.  I know that the reality of my project ever becoming something that other people would want to read is a pipe dream.  So I will try refocus on it simply being a file tucked away on a computer that will be tossed away when the computer crashes or becomes obsolete. These things happen to those things that are temporary and have no eternal significance.

Only time will tell…

As I grow older, I am aware of the fact that I am drawn to life between two worlds. 

One world of the temporary and one of the eternal.

A world of the temporal, the temporary, a world ruled by time.  A world with an end, a “due date,”  a life controlled by time and lived in moments.

And, I also live in a world where I, at times, see the edge of eternity. It’s as if in these moments of time I sense it.  In God… I am given life.  He lives in me and He gives me opportunity to enjoy each moment of life.  I am keenly aware that I am growing older and most of my life is behind me. 

I have the awareness, in light of eternity, things of temporary importance have no real value.

This includes my writings.

And yet, as I live between these two worlds, with one foot in time and the other in eternity,  I begin to understand a life of eternity with God. 

It surges through my mind, giving me a new vision, a new desire, and a different purpose.

More and more, as I think about how I want to spend the rest of my “temporal” moments, I’m drawn into eternity… drawn by the awareness of God and eternity. 

And more than ever I want the edge of eternity to be my constant reality.

Will I ever finish the project?  Will it ever be read by anyone?

Only time will tell.